Moving forwards

It’s nice to move forwards, progress, grow. It’s a wonderful thing and universal. There is even a strong tradition in literature exploring this theme. One tale that comes immediately to mind is the story of the search for the holy grail. A tale of a journey and a search for something valuable.

The part of the story that catches in my memory is the notion that a knight had to be pure of heart to succeed in his quest. There’s a basic truth there I feel.I have been thinking about that and how it relates to my own endeavours.

I have felt like I have been spinning my wheels often over the years when it comes to developing my art and creating products or starting business projects. I have often asked myself why, without any hope of a real answer. Until today.

I have many things that I do. My creativity takes me in many different directions and there’s always a want to make my ideas come to fruition. So often though, I can feel a wall between me and what I want to make happen. Not just obstacles, that can be dealt with and overcome, but a wall, barring me from going ahead.

Why? Today the answer came to me.

Many of the things that I choose to focus on are desires of the egoic me. Things that will gain me esteem, money or simply further the story of the little me. I thank God that these things fail or just stagnate. I need to be clear about what motivates my endeavours and push ahead only when I am sure the motives are healthy.

It seems each question answered offers another question. Some would say that is the way of the mind and they would be right. If I am using my mind as a tool, on a job it was designed for, then there is no problem. In fact this makes the process an elegant one.

Why do I want to do this thing?, whatever it is. This question can’t effectively be answered unless the question “Why would I want to do ANYTHING” is answered first.

The answer to that question, (although I don’t know the answer yet), I feel will be found in quiet consciousness. I don’t feel it can be arrived at by thinking about it too much. Although you can think about what is revealed in the silent spaces and gain insight.

What do I want to do? What am I called to do? Why would I want to do anything? These are questions for tomorrow.

Any pointers gratefully accepted :-)